I don’t know what it is about all this light; but it really makes me nervous.
It’s summertime, and living in the northeastern UK, that means I get about 4 hours of near-darkness every night. Unless it’s cloudy as well, the light in the sky doesn’t ever completely disappear, though… and at 3 a.m., the vista begins to brighten again.
I feel like I’m coming out of my skin. I feel like people are watching me/something’s in the room with me/bad things are about to happen. I hate this. This anxiety is the reason I bother with meds–mood-wise, I’ve been a little lower than most of my friends all my life, and I’m used to that–but this feeling of impending doom, this certain *knowledge* that I am in danger… this is the suck.
What’s worse, this light-all-the-time nonsense RUINS my sleeping patterns. I have trouble sleeping at night, in the dark; but I can’t sleep AT ALL at night, in the light. Once it’s properly daytime, and the sun is fully up, *then* I can sleep; seriously, I do my longest stretches of sleeping in the middle of the day, when my fella’s at work and my kids are at school and the sun is shining like a beacon of doom at the apex of the sky. What the actual fuck? I’m sure my circadian rhythm isn’t supposed to behave like that. Bizarre Serotonin/Melatonin interplay, fucking my shit up, again.
If I go a bit weird(er) for the next few weeks, you’ll know why… oh, when will Daylight Savings Time end?