, , , , , , , , , , ,

So… applying for benefits for myself went about as I expected it would:

The government department that pays me 2 separate payments, each month, 1 per child, and has done so for the last 7 years, doesn’t know who I am. I find this unlikely, and just more proof of the lengths this government will go to, to avoid paying vulnerable people enough to live on.

The thing is, I can’t prove my married name–I need a passport in my new name to change my residence permit, and I’ve lost my passport (I’m a foreign national, remember). And do I have the funds to travel to the American Embassy in London to get a new one? Maybe I would, if I’d been claiming the payments I qualify for, for all these years…. c’est la vie.

We soldier on. But I had a pure autistic meltdown (several, actually) in the weeks following my last blog post; I’m sad to say, I did spend a few days contemplating whether it would just be easier and better to kill myself. (I always hope those days are behind me, but somehow, they never are.) I’m sorry I disappeared, but survival is all you can manage, some days.

On the plus side, I’ve stumbled across the autistic Twitter community, and the amount of support I’ve found there is unprecedented. Expressing myself well in 140 characters is a challenge, but one that’s actually helpful, to me–I do have a tendency to waffle on, and a lesson in brevity never hurts. I just wish my brain didn’t reset and send my train of thought every which way when I move to start a new Tweet in a long thread…. I hope I improve at staying on topic, but I’m 35, rather old for the learning and performance of new tricks. We shall see.

I hope you all, my dear readers, are happy and healthy. Thanks for sticking around, erratic as I am–it makes me feel a little less alone to know that I have readers who come back time and time again, to read my musings.